From: mclaren
Subject: More marvellous musical insights from
the musical cognitive elite
--
Without concern for how the music *sounds*,
no system of composition can long survive.
And the endeavour to keep a brain-
dead theory of composition from perishing,
on life support, years after its rationale
has gone, can only lead to brain death.
The latest outbreak of this symptomatic
condition bursts forth in Perspectives of
New Music, Vol. 39, Nos. 1 & 2, 1995,
pp. 554-558.
The article is "Cheered By Battleship," by
James Boros.
It's quite something.
"It ended in an open shaftway, following
LBJ's example. By designating cauldron
19 as their sauce, mirages (against no odds)
vented mighty grams of plenty, and cast
visceral tracking smoke in henceforth
unforeseen celebtrations of danger. Without
too much grinding, her inappropriate spasm
posed as a lofty cur: negation would only
disprove gaiety in instances *not* involving
firecrackers declared inspid by consensual
bigotry. Having agonized under lack of stress,
the rambunctious turnip sought deadening solids
as a means of obtaining `gaslight marginality'
amidst dining vocations of porn. Besides, where
in Charlie's hell is there room for another
afghan recorder?" [Boros, James, "Cheered By
Battleship," Perspectives of New Music, Vol.
39, Nos. 1 & 2, pp. 554-555]
Ah, the aroma of modern 12-TET music theory!
Reminiscent of a Tasmanian devil sniffing its
own arse...
In the Alice In Wonderland world of so-called
"serious" modern music theory, *this* is what
passes for profound investigation into the
nature of contemporary music.
Meanwhile, when I write:
"If we've learned ANYTHING by reading the past
60 years of music history, we've learned that there
*isn't* any final stage of musical evolution.
There is no `ultimate style.' There is no
`Single correct way to compose.'"
.. When I write such a sentence, these are the
ravings of an unpleasant crank.
By contrast, James Boros demonstrates sublime
insight into modern music when he blesses us
with these nuggets of immortal wisdom:
"...On and on, reeling in daft plaque via assorted
remora directionality... Semblances, forked like
brazen espresso wallflowers, logged furiously
against the wishes of `kelp,' delegating crap
to wealthy bunglers whose pouches struck
Mickey as naked." [Boros, James, "Cheered By
to wealthy bunglers whose pouches struck
Mickey as naked." [Boros, James, "Cheered By
Battleship," Perspectives of New Music, Vol.
39, Nos. 1 & 2, pg. 555]
The ravings of a tiresome crank:
"The clearest example of this Orwellian and ruthless
state of musical conformity is of course the string
quartet. Offhand, there's no reason at all why 4 fretless
string instruments couldn't perform in any scale desired--
19-TET, 31-TET, 53-TET, 11-TET, the free-free metal
bar scale, the Bohlen-Pierce scale, or any other tuning.
Naturally, any string quartet that gets handed such a score
will burn the offending sheaf of music paper and
bury the ashes. Naturally, all string players have been
programmed to perform in 12, only 12, always 12, forever
12." -- mclaren, Tuning Digest 592
Profound modern music theory:
"Traditions upheld with a pang, we jogged into
sunbeams laden with molten beef, and skimmed
the celebrants' Tuscany while dimming flaps
Prognoses adhered to rougher points (like sawteeth)
despite their having been abused in deep water."
[Boros, James, "Cheered By Battleship," Perspectives
of New Music, Vol. 39, Nos. 1 & 2, pg. 555]
The ravings of an unpleasant crank:
"Moreover, the most important facts
about the equal tempered scales are
not available in and have never been
mentioned in the music theory journals:
Each equal temperament has its
own `sound,' or `mood,' or `sonic
fingerprint.' Ivor Darreg was the
first to point this out, in his 1975
Xenharmonic Bulletin. Over a period
of some 25 years, he made
literally hundreds of different
demonstration cassettes showing
the vivid differences in sound between
different equal temperaments. No
academic music theory journal has
ever referred to these clearly audible
differences between equal temperaments."
--mclaren
Profound modern music theory:
"Upon crossing the lumbar nerve, it noted several
uranium holster supplements making faces at
crossfire emitted from one of the New England
states. Her dance resembled that of a thumbprint,
water-logged janitors aside." [Boros, James, "Cheered
By Battleship," Perspectives of New Music, Vol. 39,
Nos. 1 & 2, pg. 555]
Yes indeedy...
In the Alice In Wonderland realm of so-called
"serious" modern music, black is white,
hot is cold, dry is wet, ignorance is strength,
freedom is slavery, and gibberish is profundity.
Sho' nuff, chilluns...
Passages like "This grieving advertisement put
'em in a vault with lather and resin, and prayed for
the delivery of wounds" offer incisive illumination
into the nature of modern music (because after all
they appear in a "serious" modern music journal,
Perspectives of New Music). Meanwhile, my statements
that 12-TET music theory has descended into
a death vortex of mental masturbation and
glossolalia are the ravings of a crank.
Yes, once we step behind the looking glass and
emerge into the world of modern music theory,
anything is possible.
Anything, it would seem, but common sense, logic,
and sanity.
--mclaren
